Roommate Wanted: Non-Euclidean Unit, Prime Location

Seeking a reliable, emotionally stable roommate for a unique opportunity in a structurally anomalous apartment. Utilities are included, though the definition of 'utility' remains fluid. The space itself is non-Euclidean, which means you must be comfortable with geometry that has filed for divorce. The main living area is fine, provided you don't mind that the stairs, while appearing to ascend, simply loop back into the entry hall after exactly seven steps. It's a minor inconvenience, but it does make finding the bathroom tricky. The kitchen, however, is the main feature. It is located in the fourth dimension. To enter, you must adjust your perception of depth; it appears to be a standard 10x10 foot room, but objects placed inside seem to occupy multiple points in time simultaneously. Please do not attempt to bake anything complex, as the thermal properties of the sink basin are highly unstable. Ideal candidate is quiet, respectful of temporal anomalies, and possesses a sturdy sense of directional humor. Must be able to navigate the space without requiring a protractor or a comprehensive lecture on manifold theory. References required. No taxidermy or excessive amounts of reflective surfaces.